~我的小小天地~

Wow I'm amazed with Myself!!!

2007-04-06T23:33:00.000+08:00

Wow.... Seriously... 1 full yr I didnt even bother to update my blog?
I'm so amazed with myself. Seriously... How did I do it.
Well.... Loads has happened around.
My love life, my home, and my work...

Lets start with my love life shall we?
This coming May is our 2 yr anniversaery together....
Horray~
Guess what... Some time back I had a heated arguement with him and we practically broked up.
Didnt really expect this to happen.
Seems like both of us juz snapped without knowing.
Lol
This is what has happened.
I'm too stress at work at that time which I was about to lose my job at DBS (I'll fill in the info bout this post in the later part of my post). And the day before he promised me that he will stop playing his game of Maple ONCE i reach his home.
Which ended up he didnt. So I lost my temper at him and scold and scream at him...
Practically said alot of unkind things to him too...
Which he snapped and chased me out of the house...
Lol... Pretty devastated and no will to live at that time...
Which ended up I was like 5 days without food except for all the Beer in my stomach from my friend's BBQ party at 'Downtown East Pasir Ris'.
But mircally.... We patch up the next day... For I tot all hope was lost I sent him one last SMS and plan to move on with my life.. But he replied my SMS and we patched back together...
But this time round. My parents choose not to exceot him anymore due to his past. Which I accidentally blurt out to my parents....
Stupid stupid stupid me!!!!!
Buy oh well... Other than a few lies from him and abit of back to his own pattern...
all are doing well for us... And I'm still trying to control my temper which I did quite ok I supposed?
Lol....
So thats so much about my love life....

For now this part of my post would be about my home and what has happened recently...
The most latest happenings in my home is that...
My brother and my sister-in-law is getting divorced!
Please do not get me wrong.. I'm not exactly happy over such endings...
Maybe as a husband, my brother, didnt bother to stand by his own wife, my sister-in-law, to support her and believe in her, which is the cause of what has happened today...
But my sister in law has her own faults too...
Being a married woman, she shouldnt run out with her friends after work and come back dead late in the night.
No i do not mean she cannot go out with her friends. But at least come home before 11pm to look after her own son?
My mother is old and she doesnt have the strength and stamina when she was young....

Ya you mother is sick and cannot move and need to be on medication..
My mother is the same too...
Be fair towards your mother in law...
Whenever she scold you. Its SURELY something you did wrong...
My mother is the most reasonable and fair person in this family.
Whether you choose to believe or not is your problem.
Your just digging your own grave by giving up a once happy marriage by going back to that guy!
My family never treated you badly in anyway... Everything we let you. What more do you want?
If you seriously want freedom?
Do us a favour. Dont get married. Your ruining others life also. What do i mean by ruining other people's life? Its the same as what you did in my family. By going out all the time with you PRECIOUS friends and coming back late. When my parents try to talk you around, you think that they are restricting to you and being unfair to you.
Your MARRIED!!! Have some dignity of a married woman. You choosed to work and my parents let you be. My mother helped you looked after your baby boy, EVEN when she hurted her leg and is not able to move around in the house..
That week you still choose to stay out late with your precious group of friends.
Seriously.. I do not have much comments on you. Which I choose to stay in a netrual stand.. But your actions is really putting down your own character...
Your pride is too strong that you cant even be bothered to call your own father in law Pa?
Grow up kid. I nay be wiltful and stubbon. At least I know respect.
Dont give me bullshit that I do not respect you as my sister-in=law.
Whatever thing you did I kept quiet.
I choose not to comment on you actions.
Thats as much respect I Can give you for now and never ever!
So dont put the accusation on your husband by saying he ruin your life
Anson is a handful and very hard to look after as he grows older...
Lets see... Baby with an attitude I supposed?
Hahaha...
Nvm I still love him dearly...
Back to my sister in law part...
No matter how upset she is... Do she have to keep SMS'in the same guy which chase after her b4?
I seriously wonder is He the one souring the relationship between her and my brother. Which I believe so...
Tell you something I BELIEVE that my brother can find a better and more loving wife than you.
Two word for you GROW UP.
Your so call pride is crap in my eyes.
Your pride and friends are more important that your husband and son?
May you rot in hell then.
You do not even know which is more important.
I rest my case on you..
The more I type about you the more my blood boil!

Alright as for the work part...
I gotten myself a work IN DBS as a Contract Staff for 6 months..
At first I was in the department for calculating customer's credit limit...
Byt after one month I was kicked to the Call Agent Department...
The Department of Hell and no Return...
Which as soon as mt contract ends and I've cleared all the volumes...
I;m being asked to leave by a simple reason.
The volume is very low and we cannot afford to keep you anymore...
Sio Sorry...

So this is much I've to update for now...
Good night and sweet dreams everyone
Love you All~
Muackz!~

Tired and Sleepy

2006-05-30T19:00:00.000+08:00

Hey there bloggy how are you
Its almost 2 months I never come update you already
Nothing much has happened other than occassional weddings around.
Actually I do not know what to update also lol...
Weird right?
Having a blog which you do not know what to update it with...
Ah well looks like my blogging days are over
I shall stop here for today..
Cya and tata

What a Day in Maple

2006-03-25T12:36:00.000+08:00

Hello peeps.
How are you guys doing now?
Gotten myself a new job at a tuition center.
Admin and tutor together
Just now at maple. I was playing my assassin.
Got one kid keep begging things from me and I dont wish to give him anything and he got sore over it
And starts to hao lian how many things he has. When I over talk him, he starts shut up noob
blah blah blah..
Onli know how to call pple noob.
How sad...
Come on la parents stop pamper your kids. They are so getting out of hands -.-

Regarding Internet Relationships and some NOrmal Updates

2006-03-04T02:29:00.000+08:00

Ok... Lets see.. I'm tired to death coz its 2.30 am in the morning... And.. I got myself a part time job as a tutor at a Tuition Centre behind my block. So nothing much. I'm still doing great with my bf =D

Ok ok .. Back to main topic. .. Internet Crush and Relationship.
I'd take a example I saw at the MapleSEA forum.

Linky -> http://forums.asiasoft.net/thread.asp?qid=624884 (Wanna know what the rest said? Click on this link to find out)

Original Thread Poster and the contents.

--->

__________ = the guy

*Serene = the unlucky girl *

Her real name isn't Serene *
Ok. There's this girl named *Serene who likes someone from her guild and she had this feeling for him for a VERY long time. One day ( or night ), *Serene told him that she has feelings for him and he was stunned.

So she just kept quiet for a while and waited to ask him ONE VERY IMPORTANT question. After some time, she asked him "Hey ______, can i ask you something? Please answer me HONESTLY". Then the guy was like "Erm..Don't need to tell me the question, i aready know it." Then *Serene said "Okay, since you already know the question, can i know the answer?". ______ said "Is it a must?" *Serene told him that it is a must.

So, _____ said that he actually doesn't know the particular question. He was just trying to kid around.*Serene asked him, "Do you love me as in..more than a friend?" .________ said " What if i say no?what if i say yes?" She told him that if it's a yes, she would probably be happy and if it's a no, it's the other way round and she MIGHT quit the guild.

So _______ said "oh ****..I'm going to die if i say this.." *Serene asked him why he said that and she asked him to tell her because it is urgent. _________ was so mean to say that he doesn't love her and came to the map where she was training ( Line 2-Area 1 ). *Serene just teleported back to Kerning City and hid at the top of the map because she was really unhappy and heartbroken. _______ couldn't catch up with her because he is in the warrior category.

Now, *Serene asked many people for advises. They advised her to stay in the guild and just try to move on. They also added that if she really loves him, she should wait for him to be ready to open to her.

<---

Here's the full detail explaintion I'm gonna give. I am no love saint. But I know when to figure out what is a Virtual Reality (VR) Relationship and crush.

For a VR relationship never put too much hope whether the guy or girl will give you the answer that you want. Both of you dont know each other well! Neither have both of you seen each other before. So? Lose the feeling. VR relationship never works out. Ended up its either of the party getting heartbroken...

As continued... Some of the replies I saw from the thread. They say that the guy is mean to tell her straight into her face he dont love her.

Well. For what I think. I'm glad the guy told her straight that he dont love her. Rather than saying he loves her and have feelings for her. Juz to keep her staying in the guild. I sense some threaten in the story above. Threatening she will quit the guild if the guy dont love her. Well.... Quite childish way to get the answer she wants. Kind of back fired. If the friend of the girl of the story is reading my blog right now. No offence. I'm being frank and I thank god that the guy is being frank to tell her in the face that he doesnt love her.

He dont intend let you friend leave the guild neither does he have that intention. He just dont wish to give your fren false hope that he loves her. If she finds out in the end he doesnt loves her. And saying that he does is juz a way to give in to her. She will be much broken hearted.

Like WongTai says. The guy is clever to say no. He never met that girl before. Let alone have feelings for that girl. He's smart to leave the guild in order not to give her more false hope. I would do the same if I was that guy.

Back to main topic again. I've seen some cases of VR relationship worked out. But thats like 1/10 cases. Most cases is that the guy juz want sex or other things like money etc etc... Its never sturdy. You only know that guy thru VR and thru VR characters can be acted out and not truth. You dont know the guy in real life nor his true character. Thus I advice everyone. Dont fall in love in VR relationship. Coz its not worth it. In the end pple will ended up heartbroken like the girl in the story.

Oh well... Tats all I have to say for this topic tonight.. I juz hope that girl can think through and not dwell onto it too long.

Nighty peeps,
Love Huiru

Gym Exercise on 24/02/06

2006-02-25T15:24:00.000+08:00

Went to yishun gym yesterday night with my dear. And the place is wow! Its no brand new and spacious! Not losing to california fitness in any way at all~
Well.. Spent 3 hrs plus there doing weights....
Thus right now I'm extremely tired to death and aching all over my body~ Hahaha... Juz gotta get used to it.
like my dear says. No pain no gain.~ =P
Hmm.... What else to update... Nothing much I supposed xD

Oh ya. Here's a picture of myself I took juz now when I'm maintaining my digi camera.

Boy... Do I look tired =p

Ok la.. I'd stop my posting here...

Cya. And Love you all~

Hugs and kisses,
Huiru

Night Posting

2006-02-22T23:01:00.000+08:00

Oh well... I'm back to blog again..
Dunno why I do it also...
Doesnt really much matter right?
Right now I'm bored to death lor...

Holy crap! Its 11pm!!! The show I've been waiting is showing le~
Woo Hoo~
Oh yea baby...

Jobless for more than 1 month le and my handphone bills really sky high.. Dunno what to do also -.-
Dead meat.... $264 bucks for this month's hp bill. Last month is my dear help me pay thats why I manage to live through the hard time.. I seriously need to find a job otherwise I'd be dead by then... who will feed me~~~~
SAVE ME~~~~
Hahaha...
Ok la... dunno what has gotten into me. I'm juz too hype up lor... Lol...
Right now my dear still playing maple....
Looks like he's a maple freak le.. I'm juz too sick of maple at the moment.. Oh well... what to do. I was never engross deeply in any games unless that game seriously interest me much.
Other than that I can juz throw the game out of my mind completely coz its boring after playing a while....
Hmm
Ok baz. I'd stop my posting here..

Sweet dreams sleep tight everyone.
Love you all.
Love my dear the most.
Wakakaka

Hugs and kisses
Huiru

Oops~

2006-02-22T18:03:00.001+08:00

Looks like I accidentally posted a empty bloggy
Kekeke oh well it doesnt matter does it?
I lost my job if I did update this little part.

=D

Now I'm into gym exercise thanks to my dear ^^
If it wasnt for him I wont be going to the gym at all...
Well our next visit is this coming friday lor =P
Like I said in my last post I got myself a new comp
Here are the spects of the computer

P4 3.0GHz
160GB HD
1G Ram
nVidia GeForce Graphic Card (256mb)

Around there lor.. Sound card I dunno worz.. Havent really go see what is it all about ^^

I'm bored and sick of maple again... So much childish kids playing and so much beggers around. Do I look like I'm charity?
No lor... When I was a noob I earn my money on my own I dont even remember begging any mesos from anyone lor...
So shame on them. Ahahaha... Sad lor...

I miss my dear dear so much... yesterday I brought my doggie out to jalan jalan and my dad sot sot de. Keep bombing my hp to ask me bring the dog back. Guess I'm not on the talking terms with him le.

Recently I read a interesting blog in the papers.
-----> http://xiaxue.blogspot.com
She hor.. dont put people in her eyes de.. Thou I agreed that she's a sexy and pretty lady but her personality SUXS to DA CORE....
God is so unfair.. Give her good looks but her personality I really dont like lor. If she's more friendly maybe I would like her better. Hahahaha....

So long never online le.. Coz my brother and his future to be wife. ROM is at 26th April 2006 always hogging onto the computer and I dont get to use. looks like I'm getting a sister in law soon. Wahahaha... Ok la.. Some how on talking terms with her baz. I guess so lor... Haiz.....
Sometimes I wish I can juz move out of my home and go and stay with my dear right now... I really miss him so much. At last I'm in the posting mood again. Got my printer to work and I printed some nice pictures out too...
Xiao Long Nu from 神雕侠侣 this version of the game the main girl char is so chio. I'll upload the picture once my new comp gets internet connection okies?
Love you all~

Lets see. What else can I update on my bloggy today. Nothing much I guess? Oh ya I bought a Nokia N70 and somehow the phone is a let down. Cannot send midis and mp3s in the MMS section. Says Format not supported..
FOR GOODNESS SAKE. THIS IS A GOD DAMN NOKIA PHONE!!!! PLS! DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. IMMA BOUT TO THROW THIS PHONE DOWN MY 8th STOREY FLAT!

Just now my mummy asked me a super funny question~
Lol....
Lets see....

Mummy: Ah bee. 为什么电脑还有登的？
Me: 因为你没有关掉电脑吗。。。
Mummy: 是吗？那么how to shut down 电脑？
Me: 那你平时是怎样 shudown 的？
Mummy: Ooh.... *Silence*

Lol... This I really cannot take it. Dont worry I'm not making a mockery of my own mother. I juz find her cute at times lor... Asking me the stuffs that she know how to do in the first place. But I cannot blame her. She's reaching 60 lor... She's 59 this yr =/
Sobz sobz... Y does she have to be this old? =/ I dont really like this to happen worz...
Haiz...

Sembawang shipyard you suxs to the core also. My fren told me you wanna hire people when I send my resume over. You didnt even bother to call or e-mail me back.
SUX!

Haiz.. Dont wanna count on you le. That time my boyfriend come interview a storeman job from you all. And he past the 2nd interview le and you all say he's hired for the job and will call him in 1 weeks time ended up you all also never call back. And when he call you all you all juz ignore his phone calls and messages.

SUXS SUXS SUXS SUXS! PUI!
ACK!

Hmm.. I'm getting violent again. My new hobby now adays is biting my dear all over =P
So funny. Hahaha... He's my chew toy le Wakakaka.....
Lol...
Ok la I'll stop here for the time being when I've think of something to post I will do it again later okies?
Love you all~

Hugs and Kisses
Huiru

Heya~

2006-02-22T18:03:00.000+08:00

Yay~~~ New Computer~

2006-02-21T12:49:00.000+08:00

Woot. My sister changed a new computer and she gave me the old one ^^
Hehehehe... So gd of her. But the computer is place inside my parents room lor =/
Not so gd after alll.......
Now on the phone with my dear..
What I hope is I can get married witH him once I reach 21 yrs old this july
^^
Ok lor.. I'll stop here...
Very sianz...
Mapling again =/
Cya dude ^^

Long time No Post Updates

2006-02-04T23:11:00.000+08:00

Hello.... Long time no see...
My frenz came over to my home for gathering today... Too bad my dear cannot join in coz he need to work overtime...
Playing poker cards the whole day and nothing much. Sorry for not updating this blog for such a long time.. Never seem to find the movitation to continue posting everyday lor =/ Anyway here is some of the pictures taken during chinese new year..

My Dear dear and my Pet doggie
My dear dear and me
Ah bee
Mel and Joyce
Dear dear and my daddy....

Lets see what else can I update with this. Oh ya. My brother is getting a wife soon. Hahaha

ay.. He need to work overtime...
Playing poker cards the whole day and nothing much.

Sorry for not updating this blog for such a long time.. Never seem to find the movitation to continue posting everyday lor =/

Anyway here is some of the pictures taken during chinese new year..

A totally screwed up Date

2005-12-12T00:00:00.000+08:00

Hello everyone its me again..
Ranting this time -.-...

Today was supposed to be a fine day and I Asked my bf out for movies and he agreed... But what movies we tot of deciding on the spot..
Ended up when I Reach his home.. He said.. Dont wish to watch movies, instead.. Lets eat something gd like a restaruant.. I dont mind.. Since his birthday is this coming tuesday I go along with the idea...
AGAIN! He changed his idea... He said he wanna go buy phone instead so lets eat at the coffee shop and go to Plaza Singapura's Starhub Shop to look for handphones...
Fine.. I kept quiet this time...
Ended up I spent the next 1 hr plus queuing up in the road show accompany him juz to buy a stupid Motorola Rokr E1 phone!!!
Fuck!
I wanted to buy some coffee from coffeebean at nee ang city...
The road show was outside taka....
Ended up after boughting his new phone.. Its already near to 11pm and I didnt get to drink my coffee at all...
I lost my temper at him... Coz he always break his promises... (this is not the first time I Asked him out for movies and stuffs... Given u guys.. You would felt pissed off too right?)
Ended up he lost his temper at me saying I scold him in the public he fell dam pissed off...
Oh... I'm in the wrong now..
So I juz walk out of the mrt station (we plan to take mrt home in the first place)
And I took a cab home.. He kept msging me asking where I am.. Oh come on!!! At least CALL ME RIGHT! =.=
Haiz.. Forget it.. Most probably its over between him and me..
I'm really tired about this relationship...
I'll stop here....
Really no mood to do anything already...
Sad..

Photos?

2005-10-28T22:25:00.000+08:00

I'm being bored... Extremely bored at the moment.. And I Got nothing to do..
So I'll juz update this shortly...
Practically juz playing around with my digi camera... NOthing much -.-

Ah well..

hugs and kisses...
(bleah.. So bored..)
Sandra

Lunch Time at work Place

2005-10-26T12:18:00.000+08:00

Boo hoo hoo...
Kena scolded by Stephanie coz I cut queue in making hot of home made food =P
Hahaha.. Anywayz
Today my dear went to Nation Skin Centre to check up on his skin problem. The doc say its forever and gave him some medication to apply. Cost of medicine - $38.00 /-
And not allow to wear shoes for 1 month thus? He scared his vehicle checking allowence - $15.00 /- will not get it.... Oh well... Money can slowly earn, most important is health =]
Ah well... I'll juz proceed with my lunch..
I'll update this whenever I'm free?
Kekeke
Cya peeps.

Love and Kisses,
Sandra

♪♪No Good One...♪♪

2005-10-23T01:15:00.000+08:00

Blogger.. You bully mii~
I juz took some time to think what to type and you dont allow me to post -.-
And made me type so mani things..
dun like you le la.. >.<
Haiz.. Need to retype le la..
So mani things to recall .. Sobz sobz...

Haiz... I'll juz shorten the whole thing baz...
Lazy to retype all out -.-
This is how I look like after rebonding my hair on 16/10/05 (picture also taken on the same date)
Started working le.. And life is tough.. But gotten used to it after one whole month.
Currently working as a Service Coordinator in a pest control company call... Star Pest Control Pte Ltd
Me and my dear ar? Still as gd as ever although the arguements and pop up once ina while. Everything settles quickly and I love and miss him lots ^^
That should be about all..
Thou my original post is 4 times the amount I'm writing..
Ah well..
Night everyone.. I'm off to bed..
Very sleepy =]

Love and Kisses..
Sandra

♥♥Updates Updates♪♪

2005-10-23T00:39:00.000+08:00

Lets see... Its been a while since I posted here... Lets see... Oh yes.. Right after the nonsense and racist quarrel I had with a silly and shut out small kid...
Hahaha..
Looks like he's luffing in his own triump thinking that I'm scared of posting online anymore.
Oh sorry den. This gurl who has a life got to work and feed her parents. I dont sit in front of the computer 24/7.

I feel like MapleSEA isnt the game to play anymore. Yes.. Its fun in a way with some nice people around. But hor... Alot of childish and impatient kids...
How to put it?
When something happens to the game system.. All they do is complain complain complain all day long~
If they r so clever... I would like to see them make a flawless and perfect game system out there..
Otherwise.. I would rather hope they keep their mouth shut and wait patiently for Asiasoft to fix the problem.. -.-
Secondly... Even when you never ks them.. Juz walk past and kill a few monster on the way.. The little attitude of their's are gonna start... KS!! KS!!! You ks me!! Massive Defame!!! Oh brother.... I'm glad 90% of my time is put at work and not towards these people.. Ofcoz... These people is onli around 15% of the whole MapleSEA population.. The rest of the 85% I See r the nice people around ^^ Glad that such people still exist.
Lastly... They would juz defame you when you choose not to sell them the items they want or answer their question.. For example... "Hey pro. Can I Ask you something? Blah blah blah"
I kept quiet and continue to hunt for my things. Coz there r a few people around. And plus I dont think at my current level (lvl 67 ice/lightning wiz) is consider a pro and I juz ignore his talkings.. Ended up.. "ZZZZ you freaking noob".. And DEFAMED... Oh boy -.- How on earth am I supposed to know he's talking to me... Doh.. Everyone has an in game nick right? He could juz type it out if he wanna ask me questions... I'm not sore over a fame or something.. I'm juz pissed at the behavior of kids now adays..
(Dont start flaming me.. I said KIDS. I never specify who from wad country or where.. I dont sterotype other countries. And I expect the same from people from other countries to behave their mouth. Fair enough?)
Enough of maple for today's posting.. This is the recent photo I took with my digital camera on 16/10/05 right after I rebonded my hair...
Looks ok I guess? Hehehe... I find it ok lor..
My dear ar? As usual lor.. Always do things that need me to scold and nag at him.. Ah well.. Overall we're ok worz.. Nothing much to worry about ^^

Neezzzwayzz... I started working as a Service Coordinator at a pest control company call

-> Star Pest Control Pte Ltd
-> No.18 Kranji Road Singapore (739461)
-> Hunting Line -> 63622189

Need unwanted pest to be get rid of? Drop us a call at our hunting line. And we'll get our manager to attend to you ^^
Wakakaka.. Doing some advertising here also =P

Right now is 1.05am in the morning.. 23/10/05
I miss my dear dear alot but hor he's still at bugis drinking (most prob alcholic drink.. I dont wanna restrict him of his own privacy and who he goes out with. But not Terry =/ Y I dislike him so much? Coz he steals... And my dear gave him plenty of chances yet Terry still steals from him... See now? Y I always need to scold and nag at my boyfriend? He's too kind hearted.. Always kena being used and pushed around... Haiz). Ok lor.. I throw a little tamtrum. And never sms him back =P
Ah well.. He'll call me tomorrow anywayz.. Kekeke...
Well.. One good thing is.. AT LAST he found a job ^^"
Well thats a gd start. Right? ^^
I dont care wad kind of job he does. As long he gets an income to support his family. Thats all I hope for at the moment. All girlfriends wishes for the best for their loved ones right? ^^

1.25am... Guess I should go to sleep already... Suffered from a splitting headache for the whole afternoon and I'm hurting for some sleep right now... Guess I shall stop my post here...
Wish everyone all the best and have a healthy body to maintain since the dengue fever epedemic is around. Ok?
Ciaos~

Love and Kisses..
§аиĐяå/ħчϊяџ/蕙茹

Lol. Amusing Piece of Story

2005-08-16T19:07:00.000+08:00

Today I juz met the most ignorant kid in the world..
He deems that all the bengs are from SINGAPORE..
Niave, brainless and stupid. Or dumb ass as he mentioned in the MapleSEA forum. There wont be any name callings coz I dont see the point of embarrassing and shaming him over through here. =D
For a piece of info to correct his insane childish and sterotyping mind.
Bengs are define as leed astray people who join gangs in the underworld.
And what to to be said?
And lets see gangs only existed in Singapore. Those who say yes really deserves to be slapped right in the face.
Juz like the little 'dumb ass' kid in the forums too.
What a sad person he is. Shut out from the world. Only has a small mentality that this belongs to this.
Let me tell you this Smart Alec. Hong Kong has gangs, Malaysia has gangs, so DOES America.
Read more news stupid ^^

I juz wanna rant

2005-07-17T17:42:00.000+08:00

Today is a super fuk up day..
I keep getting scolded for nothing most of the time.
SICK!!!!!!!!!!
Even my boyfriend has to make me angry practically everyday
Ack -.-

大家好！！！

2005-07-15T15:14:00.000+08:00

Hello everyone...
I'm back!
So long never go update my blog le..
Kekeke so how is everyone right now?
At the top is the recent photo of myself...
But not the extend of the latest one till I cut my hair..
Right now I got the love of my life at last..
Which is.. David!
Not the David from my Class..
Its someone else..
Only Ah bee and Melissa saw him b4.
Kekekeke
He treats me well more than the rest of my ex bf and he's the sweetest guy ever ^^
Well.. I wonder what else to say..
I'm back to Maple full time ^^
Since gunbound is getting from bad to worse..
Ah well... I still see most of my friend playin it but I tink i'll stop it le.. Lol...
Hahahaha
Anyone who is playing MapleSEA out there care to add me?
Ruhuim3imei
Wakakaka..
Ok lor I'll sign off here le =]

Reformating of Computer

2005-05-19T23:52:00.000+08:00

sianz... I juz reformated my computer.....
So everything is empty Hehehe...
I miss my dear dear...
But its not Jason..
He's gone from my life permanently..
Kekekeke
Today's downloading speed is so slow..
Sad...

Do it All Night Do It With Me

2005-05-05T20:28:00.000+08:00

Hehehehe... My life is now revolving around Maple Story and Gunbound
This is all I love to play at the moment.
All my close friends ate playing these two games.
And I enjoyed their accompany =]

Still trying to get my mp3 player back from my ex.
But hor...
Still cannnot get it back lor...
Haiz...

Woo Yea!

2005-05-05T19:07:00.000+08:00

Hahaha....
YAY
I pass all my exams module and I'm officially graduated!!!
Happy xD

Hmm... Nothing much to update..
Hmm..... Juz that I Feel damn irritated when your frenz jio u to play one game when hor..
Someone better comes out throws u one side and go play another game...
Si bei tulan
If they wanna pang seh me might as well ask me dun play..
tulan la -_=

Tiring Days

2005-04-27T21:22:00.000+08:00

Hey hey... Exams over and how its kinda time for me to look for jobs =]
I dont get enuf sleep for as long as I know.. Have to wake up at 8am daily to walk the doggie..
She so meany to me.. Dun let me sleep longer xD
Kekeke
Great.. My comp is cock up and I Cannot type chinese in forums and online blogs..
ACK! -_-
And my mom is naggin me to find a job..
Wad a life..
Haiz..

爱的痛苦

2005-04-13T21:23:00.000+08:00

Something I came up with while studying in sch for my exams...

我爱你，我想你
可是。。。为什么要这样对我。。。？
我从来没有做对不起你的事。。。
我对你的爱却换来你对我的背叛！
现在，我只恨你，我不会在爱你
因为你不直得我去爱。
天下的男人都是一样的！
死性不改
当我们爱着你们时，你们却不懂得珍惜
等失去了才来后悔也太迟了。。。

我想你，可是我好恨你。。。
我放不下，你的爱
在一起的时光多美好
你却把我从天堂打入地地狱
我渴望你的吻，你的拥抱
渴望已些看不到的心愿
我最渴望你的爱
我永远动不到的爱

我自只知道爱一个不爱你的人，是多么的痛苦。。。

Falling In Love Again..

2005-04-07T22:09:00.000+08:00

But will I get hurt?
He told me he dont want to be committed and is happy with the way it is.
I Respect his wishes and thinkings...
I'm falling for him for all I know..
And I'm juz trying my best not to fall too deep into it...
All well ends well...
I juz wanna see him happy.
Thats all I Ask.

Depression

2005-03-27T00:49:00.000+08:00

For some reason I managed to let myself sink further into my own world of depression...
All I know I Cant trust guys already.. So much of jerks and bastards around...
This is the song I keep listenin non stop...

光良 - 童话

忘了有多久
再没听到你
对我说你最爱的故事
我想了很久
我开始慌了
是不是我又做错什么
你哭着对我说
童话里都是骗人的
我不可能是你的王子
也许你不会懂
从你说爱我以后
我的天空星星都亮了

我愿变成童话里
你爱的那个天使
张开双手
变成翅膀守护你
你要相信
相信我们会像童话故事里
幸福和快乐是结局

我要变成童话里
你爱的那个天使
张开双手
变成翅膀守护你
你要相信
相信我们会像童话故事里
幸福和快乐是结局

我会变成童话里
你爱的那个天使
张开双手
变成翅膀守护你
你要相信
相信我们会像童话故事里
幸福和快乐是结局

一起写我们的结局

No offence to the guys outside.. But this is really the facts...

Class Photo Taking Session 23.03.05

2005-03-23T23:24:00.000+08:00

Today was the DMR final Yr students Class Photo Taking Session.. It was lots of fun I'd say..
We spent the next one hour taking photos with teachers and other friends from other classes.

It really seems like we're gonna graduate soon.
Thou the exams isnt here yet xD

anyways u can see the pictures at this webby =]

http://sandyruru.multiply.com/photos/album/3?last_read=1111583914&mark_read=sandyruru:photos:3

Its All Over

2005-03-22T21:29:00.000+08:00

Hmm... I broke up with jason 2 weeks ago..
Ever since we had that stupid childish fight started by him!

I always say I love him, I trust him, dote on him and everything I Can do to a boyfriend
Ended up what did I get in return?
Betrayal..
Messaging other girls behind me back in massive numbers while I did nothing...
I'm the childish one said by him.

You called me a liar when you perfectly knew I didnt, juz for the fun of it..
I lose my temper due to that, you say I'm childish and embarrassing myself by getting angry over nothing..
Jason grow up. I'm different from you.
Everytime you say I have attitude problem?
Your the one who has it.. And its much worse than anyone else..
Grow up will ya?
Your 18 already and back to sch studying.

You actually make a good boyfriend.
Try to be less self-centered and be more sensitive towards girls.
Otherwise I dont know when will you find a true girlfriend and stay together.
I Still hate you for doing such things towards me..
Like I Said.. No matter how hard I try your never happy....

Grow up.. Thats all I can say...
Take care and good bye...

我的心早已经死了。。。

我何时才能找到我所拥有的避风港。。。好累。。。活在童话故事世界里也是不错。至少我不会受到伤害。。。

Normal Day.. Nothing Much

2005-03-01T23:17:00.000+08:00

As usual I miss my dear, Jason so much...
I wonder how is he doin....
But recently I really dunno what he is thinking already... -_-
Anywayz..
Class is cancalled due to JAE
So I accompany my Very Good friend Shao Kai to sp to ask about the different courses..
Den later follow him to Orchard find his friend..
Den another friend join in later.
The other one I Saw b4 at the course and career fair in sp... when I lost my digital camera hahaha
What a small world.
Den we go walk walk and shopping
later we go watch movie at Plaza Singapura ^^
We watched.. Howls Moving Castle..
Wow this new Japanese Cartoon is really good to watch
Funny and yet Touching =]
Worth the money..
Ok la...
I go koon le...
Bb...

Dear... I love u...
*muackz*

Boring day

2005-02-19T22:59:00.000+08:00

Nothing much to write other than I playing maple story the whole day and I miss my dear so much.
I meant jason..
I going out with my darling, Nnaiomi, tomorrow go sing ktv =]
Hehehe Looking forwad to see her

Allo

2005-02-17T21:36:00.000+08:00

I got back most of my papers already
Guess what?
I fail all three papers..
Hehehe...
Sad....
Jason fell sick again...
I'm so worried over him.
He went to see the doctor already and I help he have a good rest today ^^
*muackz*
Love him so much.

Bad Valentine Day

2005-02-14T22:15:00.000+08:00

Nvm. Even thou I never got to go out with my dear. At least I know he cares.
Right now my brother is being unreasonable AGAIN.
Start to rake up the past. Saying wad my parents buy handphone for me when I lost it.
Bullshit. Its my sister who lend it to me.
My handphone bills and handphone I never got my hands on pay thru my OWN pocket!
Last time he got 3 times handphone bills also cut off also my mom help him settle de
When my line got cut off due to overdue bill. Did she help me settle?
No~
Now what the fuck he want?
My parents care for him. But he doesnt wanna open his GOD DAMN EYES to see it properly!
I give up. I care for him and I treat him as my big bro. But he himself is refusing me.
Well there is nothing much I Can do already..
I'm very very very very! tired!
Sick and TIRED!

Happy New Yr Everyone

2005-02-09T20:24:00.000+08:00

Happy new year to everyone
And I wish everyone be healthy and have all their wishes come truth.
And I misses Jason.. I dont know if I made him angry or something.. His msn nick jus doesnt seems right...
If I did something wrong. I would rather he tell me about it than keeping it secrective lor..
Haiz.. Dear... Pls dont tell me its over between us. I dont remember doing anything wrong...
=/

Getting Sick and Stuffs

2005-02-06T22:07:00.000+08:00

Allo peeps.. Its mi again.
Today is a boring day worz... When I woke up my bro's room is open de~
Yay~ I tot my kor kor went out can play comp budden he come back right after I log onto my acc in da comp.
Sad!!! Somemore he brought back his gf~
*sobz sobz*
I was thinking to talk to my dear dear de. Well too bad I need to log off 1min right after I log into the comp..
This is so saddening
Den hor.. I had a headache since morning till now.. My head hurts..
Jason, dear ar...
Dream is juz a dream.
It will never happen unless u really made it happen de lor..
No matter what happen I will always be beside you waiting and loving you.
I love you dear..
Always and forever...
*muackz*
Head hurts...
Haiz...

Fuking SAD Day

2005-02-03T21:22:00.000+08:00

Feeling So FUK UP!
Today is Sp Openhouse
Yay~
And I Went to help out.
But den hor... My digi camera got stolen~ !!!
ARGH
But I miss my dear~
Love him~ ^^
But feeling so sad...
Haiz...
*Sobz*

Yay~ End of Exams.

2005-02-02T23:58:00.000+08:00

Woot~ Today is last paper for exams and its~ Computer control.
And it was quite easier than I Expected it to be. Like the teacher says. Follow the revision paper I gave u all and study will do.
And woot almost all the same came out worz.
And guess what? I'm the first person to finish the paper and leave the exam room =p
Lets juz hope I am not too over confident..
Wee...
I'm feeling so bored right now..
Missing my dear badly..
Ever since I change my nick in irc hor..
He keep making fun of mi and buwee mi~
So mean de~~
我不跟你好了~
*cries*
Jason is a big buwee~
我好可怜。。。
Kekeke no la.. He bery nice to me de la.. =p
Love him so much lor ^^
Like in my past post.
我爱他多过爱我自己。。。
就算世界末日,我还是会大声的说
我爱你！I love you Jason.
只要你是相信我的(and I believe that you do)
我决对知道，我没有白白的爱着你。。。
Dear... I love u...
I go sleep le...
Miss u lots lots worz~
*muackz*
Take care hor~

Huiru ♥ Jason

Piccies~

2005-02-02T23:33:00.000+08:00

Hehehe. Here are some pictures I Drew in the past. All hand drawn de. Remember to gib mi some comments hor ^^

Here
This is a girl main character from a jap manga call 'Black Cat'. U guys can go buy it and see it. Quite funny and nice. To get it at 6 dollars per book hor. Might as well be member at New Tenchi International Comics Store =p I usually go to the Toapayoh Branch de. Kekeke
Here
This one is Ray from Breath of Fire 2. This really took alot of shading and my hands got really black =p
Here
And this gurl is the 2nd main character from the animation 'Kiddy Grade' Very nice to watch also ^^
Here
And~ this is Daisuki-Chan from D.N Angel (Got both manga and animation) I like the pet on his shoulder. its So KAWAII right? Ne ne ne~ Right? ^^

These are some of my drawings. Sorry if I dont draw well. This is the best I could do. I Was never good at anything. So I guess this is it right? ^^

Bad Day

2005-02-01T17:28:00.000+08:00

Hmm today I had my electrics exams. And it was bad. I seriously dont know how to do any questions at all...
Maybe like my friend always say. Too bad so sad.
I miss my dear very muchie.
But I'm accompanying my the other 'dear'..
Aiya dont get the wrong idea. The other dear is a gal. She's my god sister from gunbound and we get along great.
I'm at her house currently. Kekeke
Jason dont get the wrong idea hor...
I love u alot de worz ^^
She is the only person in the world I never scold or show attp to.. (eh... got la.. when we first met lor.)
Maybe she's too nice to mi, so I'm nice back to her in return.
We always go out together in the past de.
Close as can be ^^
We known each other for since.... August 2003
Dear.... Where r u~~
Faster tell mi wad u wan for v.day
I really dunno wad to buy for u leh =/

Hmm Here's a New update

2005-01-31T22:06:00.000+08:00

V. day is coming and I still do not know what to get for my dear Jason, and he already asked me what do I Want. In which I replied him a bracelet.(in which I guess I'm correct in conjunction to V.day.)
I always fancy those things and I Really like bracelet for some reason.

Missing Jason alot recently. Dont know why. Just been thinking about him almost all day long.
Am I falling sick?
Kekekeke
Just joking la
I love him lor.. And I Really do.
我爱他多过爱我自己。。。
Anywayz I hate myself PRONTO!
Dont ask me why. I do not know it either..
Ah well
Today's exam paper is exceptionally easy. In which is a big surprized. Looks like I Shouldnt have burn the midnight oil last night since its so easy. Maybe coz I did thats why I find it easy for all the stuffs I Studied came out lor.
Kekekeke. Looks like it pays to study hard eh...
Ok la.. I go study for my tomorrow's paper le. Electrics 3
Take care everyone. Bb
Dear I love u ^^
*muackz*

Some quiz

2005-01-31T21:59:00.000+08:00

Your gender:: Female
Straight/Gay/Bi:: Straight
Single?: Nope. I love Jason =]
If not, do you want to be?: ...
Birthdate:: 8/7/85
Your age:: 20
Age you act:: I onli know is kid
Age you wish you were:: fine wif my current age
Your height:: 5"7 or 1.75m
Eye color:: Light Brown
Happy with it?: Yup
Hair color:: Dyed it Red.
Happy with it?: yea
Lefty/righty/ambidextrous:: Righty
Your living arrangement:: I'll post up a pic soon
Your family:: Mum,Dad, Elder Sis n bro
Have any pets?: Chihuahua (dog)
Whats your job?: Poly Student
Piercings?: Yes
Tattoos?: No
Obsessions?: Games n Comics
Addictions?: -NiL-
Do you speak another language?: Not Really
Have a favorite quote?: w/e
Do you have a webpage?: No
Do you have any secrets?: Nth 2hide
Do you hate yourself?: Alot
Do you like your handwriting?: no
Do you have any bad habits?: Hot Tempered
What's your biggest fear?: Not Being loved by my bf
Can you sing?: No.
Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?: No
Are you a loner?: Very
If you were another person, would you be friends with you?: ??
Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself?: My attp
What is your greatest strength and weakness?: Strength: Nice 2pple Weakness: Bloody Naive
Do you think you are emotionally strong?: No.. Mi a weak gurl
Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?: Spending all my bank money away
Do you think life has been good so far?: Wif Jason yes. Normal no
What do you like the most about your body?: Eyes n lips
And least?: Figure
Do you think you are good looking?: No
Are you confident?: Never
Smoke?: hate both smokin n smokers
Sleep with stuffed animals?: Yes yes yes~!
Take walks in the rain?: Ya
Talk to people even though you hate them?: Depends
Drive?: Gonna learn

Love and All That
Do you consider love a mistake?: No. It is one of a kind
What do you find romantic?: Being with Jason?
Turn-on?: Jason
Turn-off?: Those stupid fuking despo
First kiss?: My first bf
If someone u had no interest in had interest in dating u how would u feel?: I find it weird talking to them
Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them or going: I already got my bf Jason. No thx
Have u ever wished it was more socially acceptable 4 a girl 2 ask a guy out: I'm fine with it. Note: I'm a gal
Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractive: Wad the hell is this supposed to mean
Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking?: Nope. I suxs
What is best about the opposite sex?: If its my bf. I love love him all
What's the last present someone gave you?: My sis gib mi a nokia6230 n a samsung mp3 player
Are you in love?: Yuppie. Jason.
Do you consider your significant other hot?: Not jux hot. Handsome too

Right This Moment...
Are you going out?: Juz got home -_-
Will it be with your significant other?: Hmm.. He's sleepin
Or some random person?: Not going out
What are you wearing right now?: Pajamas
Body part you're touching right now:: My face
What are you worried about right now?: Jason
What book are you reading?: Non
What's on your mousepad?: DOH. MOUSE LA
Use 5 words to describe how you're feeling:: Lonely, Sickly, Stressful, Missing my Dear and sleepy
Are you bored?: *nods*
Are you tired?: *nods*
Are you talking to anyone online?: Ya. My friend in irc
Are you talking to anyone on the phone?: No
Are you lonely or content?: Lonely
Are you listening to music?: Ya. Music from my comp.

I juz wanna say

2005-01-31T21:55:00.000+08:00

Jason.
I really love you de...
And I believe u feel the same way also.
I know I always make u angry, but... thanks for being with me all these time..
爱你一生一世。。。
我是真心爱你的我会永远永远一直爱着你的 =]
*muackz*

Hmm... A New Year, And some New Updates

2005-01-31T21:53:00.000+08:00

今年是新的一年.大家好吗?我自己还不错...最近因为了一点小小的误会差一点和我的男朋友吵...不过是我一个人在胡思乱想不能怪他,因为我没有去问他, 他跟那个女孩是什么关系...
Ok. Back to topic.
School has start for me and classes isnt that good either,,
So boring and tiring.
Recently my brother has lost his work and I dont get to use the computer. (lets juz hope he gets a job and my dad can stop nagging about him le)
Going home is so boring.
I Rather stay outside and rot with my friends...
Home got nothing to do.
There's only two exam modules this semester so I better do well for it otherwise my mom will start nagging non stop again. Hahahaha...
Poor poor me.. =p
Kekekeke.
Oh ya, my blanky has open a hole. Imma gonna buy a new one later.
Using the handphone in the school library is so stressful.. The sms tone cannot be too loud otherwise everyone around you will turn around and look at u...
AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*Ish scared*
Wahahahaha...
Ah well.... Lets see...
The final year project for my team is like crap, we need to buckle up befor Mr Ying Says anything else...We try our best not to let him down....*prays*
Wahahahha
Now in the school library.
This morning accompany Jason to school and thus.....
I'm in school early.
Class is at 1pm today and I reach the school at 9+ today...
Eep~
!Hmmz..... Lunch time now and I'm not hungry either.
Hehehehe30mins more till the next lesson and I'm glad that lesson is starting soon...
otherwise I'm bored to death bery soon...
Ok la.. I tink I will stop this update here coz I dunno what to update also...
Take care people.
^^

~* Huggles and Kisses *~
Huiru

Original Date Posted: Tuesday, January 04 2005

Misunderstandings Really Do Affect All of Us..Real Sad...

2005-01-31T21:46:00.000+08:00

Here's a Story I got in my e-mail in which I think I MUST post for everyone to see
Here it goes.

A fatal misunderstanding and the person who love me the most in this world is gone forever.

This is a true story, taken from "Family" (dictated by LD, edited by LSX, translated by SaFe).

Cruel misunderstandings one after another disrupted the blissful footsteps to our family. Our original intend of having Mother enjoy some quiet and peaceful moments in her remaining years with us went terribly wrong as destiny's secret is finally revealed at a price, every thing became too late.

Just two years after our marriage, hubby brought up the idea of asking Mother to move from the rural hometown and spend her remaining years with us. Hubby's father passed away while he was still very young. Mother endured much hardship and struggled all on her own to provide for him, see him through to a university degree. You could say that she suffered a great deal and did everything you could expect of a woman to bring hubby to where he is today.

I immediately agreed and started packing the spare room, which has a balcony facing the South to let her enjoy the sunshine and plant some greenery. Hubby stood in the bright room, and suddenly just picked me up and started spinning round and round. As I begged him to put me down, hesaid: "Lets go fetch mother."

Hubby is tall and big sized and I love to rest on his chest and enjoy the feeling that he could pick me up at any moment put the tiny me into his pockets. Whenever we have an argument and both refuses to back down, he would pick me up and spin me over his head continuously until I surrender and beg for mercy. I became addicted to this kind of panic-joy feeling.

Mother brought along her country-side habits and lifestyle with her. For example; I am so used to buying flowers to decorate the living room, she could not stand it and would comment: "I do not know how you young people spend your money, why do you buy flowers for? You also can't eat the flowers!" I smiled and said: "Mum, with flowers in the house, our mood will also become better." Mother continues to grumble away, and hubby smiled: "Mum, this is a city-people's habit; slowly you will get use to it."

Mother stopped saying anything. But every time thereafter, whenever I came home with flowers, she would ask me how much it costs. I told her and she would shake her head and express displeasure. Sometimes, when I come home with lots of shopping bags, she would ask each and every item how much they cost, I would tell her honestly and she would get even more upset about it. Hubby playfully pinched my nose and said: "You little! fool, just don't tell her the full price of everything would solve it." There begins the friction to our otherwise happy lifestyle.

Mother hates it most when hubby wakes up early to prepare the breakfast. In your view, how could the man of the house cook for the wife? At the breakfast table, mother facial expression is always like the dark clouds before a thunderstorm and I would pretend not to notice. She would use her chopsticks and make a lot of noise with it as her silent protest. As I am a dance teacher in the Children's Palace and is exhausted from a long day of dancing around, I do not wish to give up the luxury of that additional few minutes in the comfort of my bed and hence I turned a deaf ear to all the protest mother makes.

From time to time, mother would help out with some housework, but soon her help created additional work for me. For example: she would keep all kinds of plastic bags accumulating them so that she sell them later on, and that resulted in our house being filled with all the trash bags; she would scrimp on dish washing detergent when helping to wash the dishes and so as not to hurt her feelings, I would quietly wash they again. One day, late at night, mother saw me quietly washing the dishes, and "Bam" she slams her bedroom door and cried very loudly in her room. Hubby was placed in a difficult position, and after that, he did not speak to me for that entire night. I pretended to be a spoilt child, tried acting cute, but he totally ignored me. I got mad and asked him: "What did I do wrong?" Hubby stared at me and said: "Can't you just give in to her once? we couldn't possibly die eating from a bowl however unclean it is, right?"

After that incident, for a long period of time, mother did not speak to me and you can feel that there is a very awkward feeling hanging in the house. During that period of cold war, hubby was caught in dilemma as to who to please.

In order to stop her son from having to prepare breakfast, mother took on the "all important" task of preparing breakfast without any prompting. At the breakfast table, mother would look at hubby happily eating his breakfast and cast that reprimanding stare at me for having failed to perform my duty as a wife. To avoid the embarrassing breakfast situation, I resorted to buying my own breakfast on my way to work.

That night, while in bed, hubby was a little upset and asked me: "LD, is it because you think that mum's cooking is not clean that's why you chose not to eat at home?" He then turned his back on me and left me alone in tears as feeling of unfairness overwhelmed me. After some time, hubby sighed: "LD, just for me, can you have breakfast at home?" I am left with no choice but to return to the breakfast table.

The next morning, I was having porridge prepared by mother and I felt a sudden churn in my stomach and everything inside seem to be rushing up my throat. I tried to suppress the urge to throw up but I couldn't. I threw down the bowl and rushed into the washroom and vomited everything out. Just as I was catching my breath, I saw mother crying and grumbling very loudly in her dialect, hubby was standing at the washroom doorway staring at me with fire burning in his eyes. I opened my mouth but no words came out of it, I really didn't mean it.

We had our very first big fight that day; mother took a look at us, then stood up and slowly made her way out of the house. Hubby gave me a final stare in the eye and followed mother down the stairs.For three days, hubby did not return home, not even a phone call. I was so furious, since mother arrived; I had been trying my best and putting up with her, what else do you want me to do? For no reason, I keep having the feeling to throw up and I simply have not appetite for food, coupled with all the events happening at home, I was at the low point in my life. Finally, a colleague said: "LD, you look terrible, you should go and see a doctor."

The doctor confirmed that I am pregnant. Now it became clear to me why I threw up that fateful morning, a sense of sadness floated through that otherwise happy news. Why didn't hubby, and mother who had been through this before, thought of the possibility of this being the reason that day? At the hospital entrance, I saw my hubby standing there. It had only been three days, but he looked haggard. I had wanted to turn and leave, but one look at him and my heart soften, I couldn't resist and called out to him. He followed my voice and finally found me but he pretended that he doesn't know me; he has that disgusted look in his eyes that cut right through my heart.

I told myself not to look at him anymore, and hail a cab. At that moment, I have such a strong urge inside me to shout to my hubby: "Darling, I am having your baby!" and have him lift me up and spin me round in circles of joy. What I wanted didn't happen and as I sat in the cab, my tears started rolling down. Why? Why our love couldn't even withstand the test of one fight? Back home, I lay on the bed thinking about my hubby, and the disgusted look in his eyes. I cried and wet the corner of the blanket.That night, sound of the drawers opening woke me up. I switched on the lights and I saw hubby with tears rolling down his face. He was removing the money. I stared at him in silence; he ignored me, took the bank deposit book and some money and left the house. Maybe he really intends to leave me for good. What a rational man, so clear cut in love and money matters. I gave a few dried laugh and tears starting streaming down again.

The next day, I did not go to work. I wanted to clear this out and have a good talk with hubby. I reached his office and his secretary gave me a weird look and said: "Mr Tan's mother had a traffic accident and is now in the hospital." I stood there in shock. I rushed to the hospital and by the time I found hubby, mother had already passed away. Hubby did not look at me, his face was expressionless.

I looked at mother's pale white and thin face and I couldn't control the tears in my eyes. My god, how could this happen? Throughout the furneral, hubby did say a single word to me, with only the occasional disgusted stare at me. I only managed to find out brief facts about the accident from other people. That day, after mother left the house, she walked in dazed toward the bus stop, apparently intending to go back to her old house back in the country-side. As hubby ran after her, she tried to walk faster and as she tried to cross the street, a public bus came and hit her...I finally understood how much hubby must hate me, if I had not thrown up that morning, if we had not quarreled, if...In his heart, I am indirectly the killer of his mother.

Part 2

and end...Hubby moved into mother's room and came home every night with a strong liquor smell on him. And me, I am buried under the guilt and self pity and could hardly breathe. I wanted to explain to him, tell him that we are going to have our baby soon, but each time, I saw the dead look in his eyes, all the words I have at the brink of my mouth just fell back in. I had rather he hit me real hard or give me a big and thorough scolding though none of these events happening had been my fault at all.

Many days of suffocating silence went by and as the days went by, hubby came home later and later. The deadlock between us continues, we were living together like strangers who don't know each other. I am like the dead knot in his heart.One day, I passed by a western restaurant, looking into the glass window, I saw hubby and a girl sitting facing each other and he very lightly brushed her hair for her, I understood what it meant. After recovering from that moment of shock, I entered the restaurant, stood in front of my hubby and stared hard at him, not a tear in my eyes. I have nothing to say to him, and there is no need to say anything.

The girl looked at me, looks at hubby, stands up and wanted to go, hubby stretched out his hand and stopped her. He stared back at me, challenging me. I can only hear my slow heart beat, beating, one by one as if at the brink of death. I eventually backed down, if I had stood that any longer, I will collapse together with the baby inside me.That night, he did not come home, he had chosen to use that as a way to indicate to me: Following mother's death, so did our love for each other. He did not come home anymore after that. Sometimes, when I returned home from work, I can tell that the cupboard had been touched - he had returned to take some of his stuff.

I no longer wish to call him; the initial desire to explain everything to him vanished.

I lived alone; I go for my medical checkups alone, my heart breaks again and again every time I see a guy carefully helping his wife through the physical examination. My office colleagues hinted to me to consider aborting the baby, I told them No, I will not. I insisted on having to this baby, perhaps it is my way of repaying mother for causing her death.

One day, I came home and I saw hubby sitting in the living room. The whole house was filled with cigarette smoke. On the coffee table, there was this piece of paper. I know what it is all about without even looking at it.In the two months plus of living alone, I have gradually learned to find peace within myself. I looked at him, removed my hat and said: "You wait a while, I will sign." He looked at me, mixed feelings in his eyes, just like mine. As I hang up my coat, I keep repeating to myself "You cannot cry, you cannot cry..." my eyes hurt terribly, but I refused to let tears come out from there.

After I hung up my coat, hubby's eyes stared fixed at my bulging tummy. I smiled, walked over to the coffee table and pull e paper towards me. Without even looking at what it says, I signed my name on it and pushed the paper to him."LD, you are pregnant?"

Since mother's accident, this is the first time he spoke to me. I could not control my tears any further and they fell like raindrops. I said: "Yes, but its ok, you can leave now." He did not go, in the dark, we sat, facing each other.

Hubby slowly moved over me, his tears wet the blanket. In my heart, everything seem so far away, so far that even if I sprint, I could never reach them.

I cannot remember how many times he repeated "sorry" to me, I had originally thought that I would forgive him, but now I can't. In the western restaurant, in front of that girl, that cold cold look in his eyes, I will never forget, ever. We have drawn such deep deep scares in each other's heart. For me, its unintentional; for him, totally intentional.

I had been waiting for this moment of reconciliation, but I realized now, what had gone past is gone forever and could not repeated. Other than the thought of the baby inside me that would bring some warmth to my heart, I am totally cold towards him, I no longer eat anything he buys for me, I don't take any presents from him and I stopped talking to him. From the moment I signed on that piece of paper, marriage and love had vanished from my heart.

Sometimes, hubby will try to come into the bedroom, but when he walks in, I will walk out to the living room. He had no choice but to sleep in mother's room. At night, from his room, I can hear light sounds of groaning, I kept quiet. This used to be his trick; last time, whenever I ignore him, he would fake illness and I will surrender and find out what is wrong with him, he would then grab me and laugh. He have forgotten that last time, I cared for him and am concerned because there is love, but now, what is there between us?

Hubby's groaning came on and off continuing all the way till baby was born. Almost everyday, he would buy something for the baby, infant products, children products and books that kids like to read. Bags and bags of it stacked inside his room till it is full. I know he is trying to use this to reach out to me, but I am no longer moved by his actions. He has no choice but to lock himself in his room and I can hear his typing away on his computer keyboard, maybe he is now addicted to web surfing, but none of that matters to me anymore.

It was sometime towards the end of spring in the following year, one late night, I screamed because of a sudden stomach pain, hubby came rushing into the room, its like he did not change and sleep, and had been waiting for this moment. He carried me and ran down the stairs, stopped a car, holding my hand very tightly and kept wiping the sweat off my brown, throughout the journey to the hospital. Once we reached the hospital, he carried me and hurried into the delivery suite. Lying on the back of his skinny but warmth body, a thought crossed my mind: In my lifetime, who else would love me as much as he did? He held the delivery suite door opened and watch me go in, his warm eyes caused me to managed a smile at him despite my contraction pain.

Coming out of the delivery room, hubby looked at me and our son, his eyes tear with joy and he kept smiling. I reached out and touched his hand.Hubby looked at me, smiling and then he slowly collapsed onto the floor. I cried out for him in pain... He smiled, but without opening that tired eyes of his... I had thought that I would never shed any tear for him, but the truth is, I have never felt a deeper pain cutting through my body at that moment.

Doctor said that by the time hubby discovered he had liver cancer, it was already in terminal stage and it was a miracle that he managed to last this long. I asked the doctor when did he first discover he had cancer? Doctor said about 5 months ago and consoled me saying: "Prepare for his funeral." I disregarded the nurse's objection and rushed home, I went into his room and checked his computer, and a suffocating pain hits me.

Hubby's cancer was discovered 5 months ago, his groaning was real, and I had thought that... the computer showed over 200 thousand words he wrote for our son: "Son, just for you, I have persisted, to be able to take a look at you before I fall, is my biggest wish now... I know that in your life, you will have many happiness and maybe some setbacks, if only I can accompany you throughout that journey, how nice would it be. But daddy now no long has that chance. Daddy has written inside here all the possible difficulties and problems you may encounter during your lifetime, when you meet with these problems, you can refer to daddy's suggestion... Son, after writing these 200 thousand words, I feel as if I have accompanied you through your life journey. To be honest, daddy is very happy. Do love your mother, she has suffered, she is the one who loves you most and also the one who loves me most..."

From play school to primary school, to secondary, university, to work andeven in dealing with questions of love, everything big and small was written there.

Hubby has also written a letter for me:"My dear, to marry you is my biggest happiness, forgive me for the pain I have caused you, forgive me for not telling you my illness, because I want to see you be in a joyful mood waiting for the arrival of our baby... My dear, if you cried, it means that you have forgiven me and I would smile, thank you for loving me... These presents, I'm afraid I cannot give them to our son personally, could you help me to give some of them to him every year, the dates on what to give when are all written on the packaging..."

Going back to the hospital, hubby is still in coma. I brought our son over and place him beside him. I said: "Open your eyes and smile, I want our son to remember being in the warmth of your arms..."He struggled to open his eyes and managed a weak smile. Our son still in his arms was happily waving his tiny hands in the air. I press the button on the camera and the sound of the shutter rang thought the air as tears slowly rolled down my face...

The end...

So couples out there. Dont make the same mistake as the above story ok?Its really hard for u to find a partner which shares the next half of your life together.

Lots of love
HuiRu

~* Currently Listening To: Madonna - Take a Bow *~
~* Mood: Still Missing My Dear Badly *~

Rdm Thoughs For the Day

2005-01-31T21:42:00.000+08:00

Ok look here..
I'm aint no Beaut.
So dont come cursing me over something small...

Its juz a thought.Well...

For my rdm thoughts of the day.......
Lets say first...
No offence Guys.
I wonder it all the time....
Why do guys always go for looks and figure in a girl?
Is it because they feel less humilated when going out or is it because they get to show off their girlfriend to the rest of their friends.
Saying how beautiful their girlfriends are.
I dont know...
You guys are pretty hard to understand at times.
Well look here.A girl is more than just a wrapping on the outside...
What I think its the inside that counts.
Those guys who got sore by now pretty much thinks I'm still single and is an old hag to post such a thing and got dump by guys many times.
Well....... Single? Kinda...A hag? Nah... I'm only 19
Too young to be a hag =p
Anyway Chill down guys...
I mean like so what the girl got looks and figure.
If her personality suxs. She's equally as bad.
Even if guys goes out with her. There is a high possibility u get humilated anyway..
Its just sooner or later. Neither am I saying that girls with looks suxs.
I know some nice looking girls with very good personality. Both in my own country and others. What I'm trying to say that.... Dont contridict girls by their looks. Even plump, not so good looking girls have feelings u know.
Maybe this is how guys are.
From what I see with my own eyes.

Sees a cute girl>targets>bf gf>girl got laid by the guy>guy runs away

There are nice guys out there. I know that.
Nice guys are almost extinct. U can bet on that. 1/10 guys in these world r nice. The rest are well.......
Not so nice...Well... Trust me.
I'll be frank. I'm the type which can categorize under the "Fat Section".
Well so be it.
As long as my dear treats me well and sees me from who I am in the inside and not the outside I'm very very happy already.
Guys....... guys......... Wake up... No matter how nice and beautiful a flower is.
It will wrinkled and wilter one day..... Its just a matter of time.Why not get a nice girl with pleasent personality rather than a snobblish girl with good looks and figure but yet, a bad personality. If I was a guy. I rather choose a not so good looking girl but yet she's caring and nice to everyone.
I look into people for personality not wrapping
I'm not defending nor insulting either sexes here..
I'm just speaking my thoughts.
Otherwise the subject heading wouldnt be "Rdm Thoughs For the Day"

Neat eh?
Hehehe.......

Anyway thats my 2 cents

Origianl Date Posted: Wednesday, October 6 2004

Updates updates~~!!!

2005-01-31T21:39:00.000+08:00

Wee... Long time no see my blog.. Its been a while since I updated you ^^
Hows life everyone?
Today is SMA day and thus~~ Half day of school~!!~!~~!~!YAy~~So happy... Hmm.. What has happened to me since the last update? Well... Lets see.... At last I patched with my darling, Jason.
Not the jason in my class..Its someone else..Well... He's two yrs younger than me but I think I Can accept that fact bout it since he's so sweet and caring..
I kinda like it when he's jealous over something I do.. This really shows he cares ^^
Hehehehe...
Looks like I can understand why my friend like to make her boyfriend jealous. Thou it is kinda annoying at times to listen to him nag nag nag...
Enough bout my love life.. Now it's school life ^^At last my group finished the Preliminary Report and handed up to our supervisor, Mr Ying, and the lecturer in charged of our Presentation ^^...
Thus our topic today is fixed... Designing a 'Man Overboard Indicating Device'. So we have came up with the design and kinda the calculations for it..
Hehehehe... But we still need to find a high frequency welding machine to make our Proto Type out and finally make the final product.My group is one of those who need to go for exhibition at next Feburary 2005, so we need to finish the whole project in 6 months..
Kinda super rush right? =pAh well...
We can managed....Oh ya... I Wanna rant also...Recently Joyce had a little fight with Bee and Mel... Thus... Both of them are bad mouthing each other..
And guess what?I'm the person who is stuck in the middle of those two... Joyce says that Bee and Mel wants me in the FYP group is because of my good computer skills...Very saddening to hear this ya?I rather that I Was kept in the dark about this. Very very depressing to hear all these things..And then Bee and Mel says all sorts of things bout Joyce also...
Say that she's a good story teller and lier... Very selfish and stuffs...Then the otherway around Joyce says that Bee and Mel are juz a couple of people who only know how to make use of people.. And when the usage value is over. They kicked them to one side..
I really dunno who to believe... I'm so vexed right now...SAVE ME~!!!!!What a day.... Three years in poly and in the same class.. Why cant they just get along??? I'm the most miserable one ya know?
Having to please both parties and cant afford to offend anyone of them...Come on.. Its not that I dont like them or anything.. I really treat them as my friends, and I dont like to see friends fight like enemies ya...
I wonder why such things runs in my family... That happened to both my elder brother and sister also... Looks like I'm next to try it out...Sad~Come on..
If I really have one wish.. I'd wish that all the enemies in the whole world be friends.. And finally we can obtain world peace...
Thats what I really wish for...Ah well... I'll side track abit..Earlier on I said is SMA day right?They have a party at labordor park and all SMA students are welcome to join...
Me. Bee, Erny and Mel will be going to it...Bee and Erny go on their on and I'm waiting for Mel's meetin to be over so that we can rush over to the party.It is from 6pm to 12 am.. Cool ya?But I dont know how am I gonna get home =/
No money to take the taxi and stuffs >.<
Ah well... I think mel's meeting should be over soon... So I shall stop this update here...
And I try to update this everyday if possible coz I'm not the type who like to write diary everyday =p
Hehehe...
So long Folks..

Original Date Posted: Friday, October 1 2004

So Stress Out!

2005-01-31T21:37:00.000+08:00

I'm pratically feeling fuck up right now.
Why? Coz I had a fight with my dear and my elder sister...
Well the dear part is that we settle things out already. For he wasnt in a good mood that morning and I'm practically pissed off at him for scolding me over a silly game call Gunbound.
I juz woke up only.
Dont expect me to play VERY WELL right?
Lol...Anywayz I miss him lots..
As for my elder sister part...
She is being unreasonable AGAIN.And thus? COLD WAR~~~Lol....
I have nothing to talk to my elder brother also. Dunno why coz he always screw up my computer.
So I dunno to smile or be angry...
And my mom is kinda tired over such a situation also...
I juz hope I can quickly work. Find a room to rent outside and move out. At least dont have to see my elder sis's face.I know she dotes on me...
But her temper is too fistey for my taste...
My mom says when she scolds me just keep quiet. When I did, she says I show her attitude. Wat a life...And right now I'm having my exams...
Lol.. I still dont care much coz I prepare to fail my papers...
Like I give a damn?Wahahaha...
Sad case....
And my final year project...
Practically rushing like crap... And some fiancial problems...
I dunno...
How I wish I can just disappear from the surface of this world...
Then no troubles and problems....
*Sighs*

School school school!!!

2005-01-31T21:34:00.000+08:00

Wahahaha... School has started and its been a while since I updated this blog of mine.Lol... So how is everyone in the site? Doing well I Supposed? ^^So tried.... 2 more week till my term test..
Imma Singapore Poly yr3 student currently studying in Marine Engineering..
Wahahaha... Why am I using the comp in school? Lets just say my elder brother doesnt wish to go to work and thus hogging onto the computer for all I know... I'm so tired... I wanna sleep and I miss my dear lots lots.. I wonder what is he doing now...
Lets see.. What have I need to update... I gotten myself a boyfriend in which plays the same game as I used to play which is Gunbound. Hehehe somehow the same interests all around hehehehe. I recently changed my phone twice... I gotten myself a Sony Ericsson k700i in which I used it for 3 days then sold it for a Samsung D410C...
I know I know... Scold me crazy for all I Care... Coz most of my friends said that to me already. Hehehehe. So I'm immued to it... Juz went out with an outing with my dear dear (part time one which is a gal so dont get the wong idea. Wahahaha. Chingy and doggie(tk). No.. I'm not a lesbian either so dont get that wrong idea too... Kekekeke) We went to orchard and had our dinner at baker's inn and recently had dinner together at Jurong Point in which my lesson ended at 2.30pm that day and I rotted in the Library till 7.45pm before I went to meet them at Dover MRT station (Coz both of them have Jap Class in the evening. Someone pity me please!!!!!)... So good of me? Lets juz say I do not wish to go home. And if I do. I wish not to travel to dover after I did coz I live in Woodlands... Which is pretty far away from school...
So you guys can guess huh? hehehe..Recently watched the movie with my group of Gunbound friends at Cineleisure. Which is House of Flying Daggers...
The show is way stupid... No beginning and ending for all I saw.. Me and Kaiwen practically almost fell asleep during the movie.. Since Candy (Yue Yu) wants to watch it. Me and another 3 friends went with her wishes. Since 3 of them ARE under 16 --" so we cant watch the NC16 show. There's one which is quite nice to watch. Collerate(Dunno how I spell it) Gonna watch Alien VS Predator this coming 19th August with Jason and his friend from America and after that we'll go to the Raiders Lan Shop at Causeway point to play Gunbound. Wahahaha... See the pros in action!!! Both of them are Blue Dragon account people...
So dont expect them to miss their shots... Even I got scared by them at times too.Recently I got addicted onto CS~ which seems fun... I saw a CS clip of the 5 top players in the world... The best player is Hilton (18 yrs old) from America... They are from the guild xstat...
No one seems to be able to kill them at all.... I wish to be like them too.. Wahahahaha... But my reaction suxs to the end in which I think I will never master this game at all... Hehehhee... My dear still havent sms me yet.. From what I guess is that he is still sleeping soundly....
I guess he climbed up to watch the oylmpics... 100% he did that otherwise he's already asleep since 10.35pm last night. I'm gonna nag at him when I reach home... His house is only 2 blocks away from mine... I live in blk 855 and he lives in Blk 853.. I miss him lots lots.. Thou I spent my whole afternoon at his house... His sister is super HOT! Really... Good figure and looks... Hehehehe...
What else to update... Hmm.... Just using the computer in the library right now and nothing much to say.. other than having my constant headache as usual... Wahahahah... Recently my mom keep like to ask me what time will I go home...
Here comes the time restriction again.... Sad case --""Cant I have more freedom? Its not as if I'm outside commiting crime and stuffs or I'm hook onto drugs and all the craps and watever you and I can think or name. Wahahaha... No naughty thoughts ok?=POk ok.... Looks like I need to buckle up for my term test otherwise I think I'd get retained badly if I dont....
Since Singapore Polytechnic took away the sub paper system and they shorten our holidays by 1 MONTH!!!!WTF ($#&%(#@&$(_~^$(_#@^$(!^%(#@!^%(^#@!%(@!^%&$@%@This is so unfair!!!!! The holidays is even shorter than the secondary school kids and our 2nd Semester starts at 16 Dec.. What is the world coming to? Sad sad sad!!!The Final Year Project is a pain in the neck..
Since our product needs to be on exhibition thus we need to finish it by THIS yr end of December in which other groups have one whole year to complete it... Its so stressful...
Ah well... What to do... Now poly life is like no difference from JC.... Work hard all fellow Poly friends out there... Must rely study hard already....Ok ok I shall end this long winded blog here..
Hehehehe...
Later~~

Hugs and Kisses,
~`HuiRu`~

Original Date Posted: Monday, August 16 2004

Currently at Work

2005-01-31T21:31:00.000+08:00

Hello there...
Lets see... What I Can say now is I'm at work and I'm very tired... I didnt seem to have enough sleep at all.
My brother ran away from home last friday morning.. And I got pretty upset at work coz he msg me hurtful things via SMS.
Saying that I'm really happy that he isnt staying in that house anymore and all sort of stuffs...
But me and my mom managed to get him to come home by night time....I practically beg him to come back...
Really first time in my whole life I have to beg someone like that.But he's my elder brother after all...I guess I have to do it...Well he's back already. But he always lock himself in his room playing the comp...I talked to him less than 4 sentences since he came home...
Looks like this is gonna be tough.
Poor me.Hahahaha

Original Date Posted: Sunday, 20 June 2004

Ice Skating

2005-01-31T21:28:00.000+08:00

Hey there,today my friend Candy(Yue Yu) and Cookie(Nicholes), pulled me go ice skating at Jurong Entertainment Center and I was really at my wits... Coz I do not know how to ice skate among all the friends who went there.
How embarrassing.. Then when finally I got the hang of it. Our time is up and its bout time to go home..
Nevermind. I accompanied Candy and her sister, together with SgBoyLala to Jurong Point to help them choose a father's day present for their dad.After buying the CDs we want. Then we went to the arcade to play Dance Dance Revolution. And then we saw two Uncles...
And they r really 50++ Dance really well in hard mode. Then ended up we went to play Para Para and tell you sometime.at first I didnt dare to play till they forced me to and I found it really fun and I spent the next whole hr playing it ^^And right now both my legs and arms are sore =P

*actually I had a little confession to make. I had a crush on nicholes. Dear if your reading this dont misunderstand.. This thing happened during june de okies? Love u.. *muackz*

Original posted: Saturday, June 19, 2004

Yay

2005-01-31T21:26:00.000+08:00

I got myself another new blog. I wanna start afresh without any hassles and stuffs okies?
Here we go. I'll practically move over most of the post from the old blog to the new one. So dun be surprized I post so much in a day okies? ^^

~*我的小小天地*~